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The 7 Pillars of a Healthy Relationship

Relationship Principles

The connection between people is measured in INTIMACY (closeness and attachment) and RELATABILITY (being able to relate to one another).

Throughout life, our relationships with people and things change. And this is because we stretch and grow through the different seasons of life.


For example a marriage / relationship breaks down because the couple grow apart. They don't share the same interests any more. Maybe one was always compromising more than the other. Or there has been a breakdown of communication and trust.

In families, relationships with family members change for many reasons. When we grow out of the known family culture for example we change and it is easy for your family to be unable to relate to you or vice versa.

And the same applies to friendships.


The quality of our lives is also determined by the quality of our relationships and the calibre or depth of our respective relationships is going to be determined by how much mutual love, trust and respect there is in these relationships.

The Pillar of Love


Love is the foundation for any relationship. However, love should be unconditional in that one should not seek a reward or keep count in the relationship. Love is empathetic and compassionate. It should not mean taking each other for granted. It is about supporting one another without trying to disempower the one you love. Communication should emanate from a place of wanting to listen, to understand, to support and to enable each other to be the best that each of you can be. It is not about control. It is about respect for each other. It is about being steadfast through any trials that you face.

The Pillar of Honour

Consider how your thoughts, your actions and the way you speak affect the other person

Honour the person for the level of commitment which they are making towards growing and developing themself. Honouring someone through unconditional acceptance is accepting them as an individual but not necessarily subscribing to or accepting their bad habits, attitudes or actions. So when you need to communicate the truth about something they need to hear, it should be communicated gently and without aggression. By mindfully assessing your speech and your actions you avoid causing pain and suffering on the other person.

The Pillar of Self- Control

- controlling your mind and your emotions

How willing are you to control yourself towards how others relate or react towards you - Do you REACT or ReSPOND with self-control? How important is the relationship to you?

If you react to every feeling and emotion without exercising self-control then you hurt the people that you love. By being mindful, you become aware of your feelings and emotions and you give yourself time to reflect and to put things into perspective. You exercise self-control and this is a sign of srength and maturity. It creates trust in the relationship because you allow love and understanding instead of irrational reactions. This builds a strong relationship.

The Pillar of Responsibility

- Take responsibility for your life

If you act without thinking it will have repercussions in your relationships. By learning to take responsibility you show signs of maturity. You RESPOND wisely instead of REACTING. Be mindful of your thoughts and actions.

We are each responsible for ourselves. Sometimes we need to create space for ourself. We are not responsible for other people's actions, behaviours and attitudes. If someone behaves irrationally towards you, you are responsible for protecting your own space and peace. You may need to put some boundaries in place to maintain a healthy relationship with someone else, no matter how much you love them. You need to love yourself too.

The Pillar of Truth

How willing are you to accept the truth of who you are or where you are in life? When we start looking at ourselves in our truth then we grow. We become empowered in the truth of who we truly are. If we are not truthful in any relationship it will inevitably have a negative consequence. Facing our truths is a sign of maturity.The immature one will fear the truth and want to be in control. When we are mindful of one another through self-reflection we learn to differentiate between BELIEF - FEELINGS - OPINIONS & TRUTH. Truth can be hard to hear but if it is dealt with sensitively and without the need to be hurtful to the other then it creates real trust. Trust is built over time. It is being consistent in truth and reliability within the relationship.

The Pillar of Faith

Faith in any relationship comes through honesty, commitment, love and work that each one puts into the relationship. Betrayal ofany kind results in the breakdown of the relationship. When you fully trust someone then you put your faith in them. No relationship can thrive without honesty and fulfilment.

The Pillar of Vision

In a relationship we share our respective visions and we learn one another's passions. This creates mutual self-sacrifice as you both move forward towards that shared vision. It encourages mutual accountability. If you are only concerned with your own vision then that causes strife as you will only be interested in your own immediate gratification towards your own vision.


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